SE: On the receiving end
29 Jun 2004 
in mid-afternoon 
Matt Winckler
Yesterday about 12:30 I received a strange call at work–on my cell phone.
- Matt:
- This is Matt.
- Melissa:
- Hi, my name is Melissa H**** (she mentioned a last name quickly, but I couldn’t make it out), I work with Eric Robinson at PNNL. I’ve got this bet going with a friend of mine, and I was just wondering if you could tell me whether Eric is married or not.
- Matt:
- Excuse me?
- Melissa:
- See, I talked to Eric and he wouldn’t tell us. He said he didn’t want to be responsible for either of us losing our money.
- Matt:
- So you’re betting on whether or not Eric is married. Well, it’s certainly possible.
- Melissa:
- Possible?
- Matt:
- Yes. Very possible. But if he’s not willing to tell you, why should I?
- Melissa:
- Oh man…come on, he gave me your number to call and find out!
- Matt:
- (Thinking that was dashed silly of Eric, and beginning to think this was a joke of some sort) So how much money is at stake here?
- Melissa:
- Twenty dollars.
- Matt:
- And which side are you counting on?
- Melissa:
- I’m betting he’s married.
- Matt:
- Hm. Interesting. That’s a lot of money. But sorry, if Eric won’t tell you, I won’t tell you. Besides, I can think of at least one other easy way you could find out. Think about it.
- Melissa:
- Man…are you sure? Please?
- Matt:
- Nope, sorry. Have a nice day.
At this point I wasn’t sure what to think. Coincidentally (or not?) I’d been emailing Eric back and forth about other matters that morning, so I zapped off an email to him, assuming this was a joke and asking for the punch line. His response was that he didn’t have a clue who it was, and that he didn’t work with any Melissas. Furthermore, he wasn’t even at work; he was working from home because one of his children was sick. The plot thickens! Eric suggested that Melissa may have obtained my number from starvale.net, as she may have been the one to pick up an email he printed off some time ago to a network spooler but never picked up. Moments later, I’m surfing through the starvale.net access logs, and lo! Someone from calvin.pnl.gov cruised on through several pages, including the contact page, mere moments before I got the call. So that settled that.
Next up was to figure out who this Melissa character was. Hanford maintains a wonderful online directory of practically everybody who works out there, so a search for “%Melissa” revealed all the employee Melissas. There were fewer than one might think…and only one that worked at PNNL with a last name starting in “H”. I also searched local and online phone directories, but was unable to find a match. Either she’s unlisted or is married to “K” or “C” Huber (who live in the Tri-Cities).
So last night I called up her work number to get her voice mail, and I hit the jackpot. The entire message was recorded in her voice (I was afraid I’d get a computerized system with her only saying her name, which wouldn’t be much of a sample), and the voice was strikingly similar to the one I heard at 12:30.
At that point I was absolutely convinced that the person who called was indeed Melissa Huber. But what I was still puzzling out was the “why”. Surely it would have been easier to simply email (or call) Eric and ask him herself. Or even email me, for that matter. Why bother looking up my domain to get my cell number and calling me?
A possible answer struck last night while I was getting ready for bed. But I can’t tell you about it now, lest a premature move wreak havoc on the plans. Depending on how things go in the next couple of hours, I have some phone calls to make. But first I shall have to try to recover my voice from this cold…what wretched timing! If I can only pull it together long enough…