A Healer’s Geste

A Panoramic View

Last week I made a curious observation. When women gather to chat, it is very rare that one subject is ever resolved — that a story reaches the end, that an illustrative observation is carried through to a conclusion, that all remarks are made. Moreover, I hypothesize that the more women you add to the conversation, the sooner the rabbit trail begins and the less likely it is the topic will ever return to the original path.

I first started noting this at play group last Tuesday, when Heidi was adding a remark with an illustrative experience that I was interested in, but before she finished the conversation took a diversion and I have no idea how her story ends, because I could find no opportunity in the group to reintroduce that particular vein. During that same play group, Heidi also began to relate the story of one of Michael’s friend’s brother, who was recently seriously injured by a car bomb while serving in Iraq. This story came in four or five serialed segments over the course of 2 hours, with many conversation topics and lunch intervening.

Then I noted that this was not restricted to play group on Wednesday and Thursday while visiting with my friend and former roommate, Elly. On Wednesday we met at a local coffee shop without our small toddler boys (but with my tiny new baby). Two hours over a hot mocha and iced English-toffee latte was insufficient to cover our usual ground: our latest goals and trials and projects in homekeeping and arts (like scrapbooking and crochet); who is pregnant, what names have been given, and who is getting married or description of weddings attended recently in our respective churches and circle of acquaintance; and bouncing off each other whatever topics are currently hot amongst our home social groups (which, although Elly and I are remarkably similar in a host of ways, our social circles differ greatly). So, anyway, we both had so much to say and to hear that we didn’t get to everything we each wanted to relate and discuss, and observations interrupted stories and “I know what you mean…”-stories interrupted observations. But, we were meeting again with our boys at my house the next day, so we parted seemingly early. However, neither of our boys seemed to want to let us visit and demanded attention, food, discipline, or cleaning at frequent enough intervals that not only thoughts, but sentences were left incomplete.

Most of the occurrences at play group tend to be similar to those at my house with Elly: little ones requiring attendance. However, I believe it also comes from that feminine capacity frequently referred to as “multi-tasking.” Matt and I have questioned that generalization that states women are better multi-taskers than men, for Matt is usually much better than me at actually working on several projects at one time. I have concluded that a better description would be that women see in panoramic view rather than telescopic. Women, in general of course, see the big picture, see the connections, see multiple options and outcomes and possibilities. Men are better seeing one thing in detail, hammering away at the close-up, marching diligently on, and seeing the logical conclusions at the end of that single path. So, a bunch of women gathering, even to ostensibly discuss one single topic (like at a Bible study or book club or a meeting) will always talk about many more things than what was on the agenda. There is a road you are traveling, but the trees, the sky, the birds about the way are not irrelevant or unimportant — without them, the path would not be what it is, thus it is allowable to observe them.

I make these observations merely as such: observations. I found it amusing to make such a hypothesis and gather evidence while conversing with various friends. I will leave drawing any relevant conclusions (possibly to such issues as women on school boards) for later meanders….right now the baby calls.