Hard work
Several recent events and thoughts have culminated into a realization and rebuke. On the ever-circling cycle of diligence and faithfulness to slothfulness and desultoriness, I’ve been rather at the low end lately. I have several projects, major and minor, pulling my attention, commitments and appointments pulling my time, and then just enough spills, questions, disobedience, fussy fits, phone calls, blog posts (that I, of course, have to read), to keep the housework from being done and any of the projects to actually progress. Then I feel blah and yucky and cranky, and it’s all my own mismanagement of time and resources, and I know it, and that makes me feel worse. :p
So, there’s that. Then, there is the recent push to get Hans to actually move while putting his toys away. The more headway you make, the more you realize you have to go. Hans knows he has to pick up his toys, and generally does so at least twice a day, and he knows Mommy won’t help him — he has to pick up his own messes. When it comes time to pick up, though, he runs experimentations on how long it can possibly take. Even when it must be accomplished before getting something he wants (a different toy, food, playdough, a bath, etc.), his goal yet remains to drag it out. “Work quickly,” “Pick up faster,” “It’s a race, let’s go,” “Hurry up, or you won’t have time for a bath,” “See, quick like this…now you do it that fast” “Finish before the timer goes off,” “Hop to it,” “Get going or you’re disobeying.” What shall work? Nothing. How does a child learn any word or concept? Demonstration, context, modeling. But when I show him how to pick up duplos fast, he doesn’t follow. He continues to go slow and asks me to keep helping him. But when I am doing my own work, he follows my lead. One dish, two dish, um, I need to put that thing away…it goes in the office…do I have email?…three dish, one half of the counter, oh, let’s write that down, oh, look, that shouldn’t be there…I forgot, I needed to stain treat those clothes, here I’ll take this to the freezer through the utility room then stain treat that….then bring something in from the freezer, then what was I going to do?…oh, this goes in the sink…oh, I’ll finish loading the dishwasher….And so I see that Hans is following my example in picking up his toys. Slowly, surely, getting things done and never finishing. Always busy and hardly ever making headway.
So, there is also that. Then, there is conversing with friends about educational goals. I wish my boys to know the meaning of hard work; perseverence; diligently finishing a task or a project even after their interest wanes, seeing it out to the end. Oh dear, wait, this isn’t ethereal wishing or theoretical musing, this is the training of my flesh and blood boys. Training happens cheifly through imitation. My boys are copycats. Hans copies me, Jaeger copies Hans, and I am not paying attention.
Do I want my house in order? Do I want Hans to pick up his toys in a timely fashion? Do I want grown boys who will take hard work by the horns and not stop wrestling until they’ve conquered? Then I know my gauntlet, and I’m not to throw it down but to gird myself with it and set to.
gauntlet^1
n.
1. A protective glove worn with medieval armor.
2. A protective glove with a flared cuff, used in manual labor, in certain sports, and for driving.
3. A challenge: throw down the gauntlet; take up the gauntlet.
4. A dress glove cuffed above the wrist.
gauntlet ^2
n.
1a. A form of punishment or torture in which people armed with sticks or other weapons arrange themselves in two lines facing each other and beat the person forced to run between them.
1b. The lines of people so arranged.
2. An onslaught or attack from all sides.
3. A severe trial; an ordeal.
I have the same problem when cleaning… my husband calls it my “cleaning ADD”. HA! One minute I’m cleaning the kitchen up, and then I remember that I have a load of clothes in the wash that needs to be moved to the dryer, which I forgot about because I decided to pick up the bathroom when I was gathering laundry for the next load… next thing you know, it’s 10pm and my kitchen still isn’t clean. As much as I try to clean one room at a time, I always get distracted. My husband can clean one room at a time, and points out that it helps build your esteem to at least see the fruits of your labor for a little while, and I think he’s probably right. I just can’t make myself stop. I never thought about the fact that it could eventually transfer to Alana. My house rarely looks sparkling clean, unless we’re expecting company, and I enlist my hubby’s help. I just can’t stay focused on one task at a time, I’m constantly moving when I’m at home, and can never figure out why my house never gets “done”. If you can figure out how to achieve this in your house, maybe you could pass on how you acomplish it. I have no delusions that what you do will work quite as well for me, because I don’t have a lot of time at home, but maybe some minor adjustments will do the trick?
I’m afraid you’re following my example in all this. It’s so difficult to pull out of the cycle, but when you do the world is so much brighter and happier. I really think it’s the little habits, or routines ala Flylady, that help get things done. Like you, I’m great with making up lists, but not so great at getting to check things off the list, so I just make another one! Instead of lists, I just need to establish better habits for myself and for the kids.
Ouch – that hurt – perhaps in the future you could keep your self-examination to yourself, so that I don’t feel convicted? :-)
Oh, and another thought – lists are great, but sometimes I find that if, instead of making a list, I set the timer (mentally or literally) and move around the house picking up, putting away, and trying to take care of all of those little jobs that I think “Oh, I should do ____ sometime” but that never make it onto “the list,” I get a lot more done than I expect to. In fact, sometimes putting something “on the list” is just a way of procrastinating, because if I just got up and went and did it right when I’m thinking about it, it would be done, but if I put it at the bottom of the list and wait until I reach it – it could take months. And I really do mean months. But again, that was an excellent point – it’s easy to talk about “training our kids to work hard” but when I can’t even make myself get up when the alarm goes off – what are they going to follow? My words or my example!! “Do as I say, not as I do!”