A Healer’s Geste

Paradise Regained

But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ. Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
1 Corinthians 15:20-26

I was able to see and hold the imperfect, frail little body of my third son. I saw him, I loved him, I will not forget him while I live on this earth. Yet now he is in heaven, awaiting the glorious resurrection of the dead that is promised.

We can think on and imagine heaven and what it might be like, because we are to keep our minds on things above, we are given very little detail about heaven, and we know that no matter what we conceive, what God has prepared in infinitely better.

What is heaven like as we here on earth wait? Are those there now experiencing time as we do? It seems doubtful. Disembodied souls is not the perfected state God intends for us. Will those who die as babies remain as babies throughout eternity? I wonder, but I have no idea.

What I imagine now is different than it was a week ago, most assuredly. Last night as I lay in my bed thinking about my little Friedrich and remembering how his little body looked as it lay on my chest, I began imagining a new picture of paradise. I imagined a place out of time, where we all seemingly arrive at the same time. He and the other babies there are not motherless, and we — once there — do not remember being separated. We are all raised with Christ in gloriously renewed bodies. Little Friedrich’s body has solid bones, his forehead is not over-large, his head is not swollen or mishapen. His eyes, which I saw fused, I then see to be bright blue. His little button nose remains as it was. His little mouth that I saw turned slightly up in an expression of contentment, is then split in a full smile. His resemblance to his brother Jaeger, which I caught but a glimpse of, is fully recognizable. I hold him, I love him, I am grateful for him. And as eternity passes, however that happens, I am able to watch in heaven as my little one grows into a young man. I will have grown sons there with me, and I will have a little one to watch grow up in a glorious paradise, without tears or troubles, a little son who will not experience life in a fallen world, but grow in a renewed earth that is as it was all supposed to be. What a glorious thing!

I can conjure up and take comfort in such imaginings that are nothing more than the product of an inability to sleep, because I know the Lord is in heaven right now preparing a place for us, keeping my son until that day, and in that day we will all be resurrected to spend an eternity that will be immeasurably more than I could ever dream.

I rest in not doubting that my Friedrich is saved by God’s grace. I rest in knowing that he and I and all God’s elect will be raised with renewed and perfect bodies and live forevermore in glorifying God. If glorifying God can happen in whatever we do, whether we eat or drink, and that in this fallen earth, who knows what the scope of eternity will have for us. Whatever it is, I shall one day find out and my son already knows.