A Healer’s Geste

prenatal care decisions

Well, being pregnant generally means having to see a doctor, although as of today I can still hold to my claim of only seeing an urgant care doctor thrice since I was 10 — and that’s it for doctors for me.

What follows is a long, meandering monologue that probably only women will be interested in. Just so you know. :)

With Hans I had a midwife at Kennewick General Hospital. The whole last 3 weeks or so of the pregnancy was awful and the labor was very difficult, but we got through it. There was intervention because the midwife did break my water and she was about the get the forceps before he finally came out. Still, I don’t think there’s anything I would have (that I could have) changed. If I had not been able to feel those awful, painful pushing contractions, I don’t think I could have done it. They made me keep pushing even though I was tired and they gave me the focus point of where to push. The pain was useful, although it was nearly unbearable. Also, for the labor I had the most excellent nurse; she was an older German baptist lady who was simply delightful. Every other nurse I had before her and after her was either ho-hum or not good, but she was the nurse that mattered and she was great.

With Jaeger I had the same midwife and delivered at home. It was absolutely beautiful. It was painful, but what made it beautiful was hearing, after assuming I’d be bearing these contractions for hours longer, was, “You’re at 8″ about an hour into it. I delivered in an upright position and after we were all cleaned up and fed, we all slept in our own bed for 5 hours, awaking to the bedroom in the same condition it had been the night before, plus a little baby.

Now, in May we don’t know where we’ll be. We might be here, we could be living with Matt’s parents, we could (unlikely) be in our new house. Our new house will be under construction by then, but we have no idea what stage we’ll be at. My midwife has retired. I know nothing of any other CNM, ARNP (Certified Nurse Midwife, A– Registered Nurse Practitioner — the only kind we’d consider) midwife in the area. There are several, but noone I know has any experience with them. I don’t really feel up to setting up and going around to introductory appointments, at which I would have no idea what to say. Of the two hospitals, we’ve heard too many stories of people in the know and consider Kadlec the only hospital option. Besides, I would have starved at KGH if we hadn’t brought a Costco package of trail mix; and there were several bossy old-lady nurses, one of whom almost wouldn’t let us leave after we’d been checked out because we hadn’t watched a crazy 20-minute video on how to use a carseat — it was 11pm! Kadlec, however, doesn’t allow midwives. There’s a birth center. I might visit it. Delivering in a stranger’s home seems like it’d be more uncomfortable than in a neutral hospital. Besides, as I said, I don’t know a single thing about any of the midwives, except (from the birth center’s website pictures) that they are all obese. I do know several ladies who have gone to and been very happy with Associated Physicians for Women, a practice delivering at Kadlec. I’ve heard lots and lots of Kadlec birth stories over the past 3 years — with conversations specifically about nurses, too — and so far it seems the good nurses far outnumber the bad (and from KGH storied I’ve heard and my own experience, that’s not the case there). From my brief phone-calling it appears there’s only one CNM doing home-births now. She is the one who took over my previous midwife’s practice, which they switched over without any warning or explanation to patients of 5 years…I only know my midwife is retired from a third-hand party. I just got a postcard that I needed an annual exam, signed by a woman whom I have never met and have no idea who she is or where she came from, and the receptionist, as is usual, was no help. So, perhaps being a little miffed at the tacky business practice (and tired of a place with incompetant receptionists), helped push me over. Anyway, 30 miles from the hospital is a bit far for a home birth, and I don’t want to be irresponsible with my life or the baby’s; I want to be a reasonable distance from the hospital and have a practitioner that can go with me and continue my care if a transfer is necessary — I also want someone who I trust to make that decision.

Anyway, really it all boils down to a feeling that has been welling up in both Matt and myself this past year, which is a tiredness of thinking. Most people have their doctor, go to him, do what he says. No, we have to read books on immunization, read a few articles on circumcision, go through allergy mumbo-jumbo. After several months of elimination diet cooking, wherein I thrown into the circles (at least in books and on the internet) of organic-everything people, natural-to-the-extreme people, and all other kinds of off the wall types I wanted to yell “I want to be normal!” Non-immunization and food allergies put one in an odd crowd, a crowd with whom I do not share much of the same assumptions. Moreover, I read the naturo-everythings and I see a lot of slander against doctors, hospitals, women who get epidurals, people who buy boxed macaroni and cheese…and I roll my eyes. We don’t immunize, but we have no vendetta against immunizations. I didn’t have an epidural and I’m glad I didn’t, but after it was over my feeling was, “Boy, now I know why women get them! I will never blame anyone for getting an epidural (except Meghan) again!” :)

So, I look around. Who do I want to be like? Who thinks the same way I do? Go-with-the-flow-types. They don’t swallow everything the doctor tells them, but they just go through the hoops and deal with it all and are patient. So, that’s what I’m trying this time. I don’t want to excert time and effort and energy to find some new midwife to form a relationship with. I just want someone to find the baby’s heartbeat, tell me everything is fine, and let me go my merry way. In the same way, I take the boys to their naturopathic doctor because she does what I want, and I smile and nod as she goes along assuming all kinds of erroneous things about our family (like assuming we never have pop — ha! Well, I don’t compared to how much I used to….), then I go my merry way.

I just want to labor at home, show up at the hospital 10 minutes before the baby crowns, deliver the baby, get my Italian icees and a made-to-order meal and then go home within 24 hours. Sure, I chafe at them having to put the dumb STD-protection eye goop in, but they’ll wait until the baby is sleeping and then it’s not like it’s going to hurt him. I don’t want to be in a hospital bed with stirrups and monitors, but if that’s what happens it’ll all be over soon enough. After all, no matter how the birth goes, it all ends and becomes a faint memory. Does it make any difference now that Hans was a difficult labor? No, now he’s 3 and romping around and all that’s different is that I’m much more sympathetic.

I also want to go to a doctor, as an experienced mother, have a natural birth and not be interfered with by the doctors just to prove it’s possible. I know it is. I have friends who have done it. I am curious to see what my friends’ experience is going to the doctor. I am curious how much doctors really do push you, if they do. I want to make than comparison myself. I want to prove against the hyper-home-birth books and articles I read that doctors are not evil. Doctors do have horrendeous liability, which I understand and will put up with the paperwork and the obligatory things they have to say and offer. Law requires them to offer certain things, things they might not approve of themselves. Change the laws, don’t blame the doctors.

That’s the way I feel now, anyway. When I visit Kadlec to see my new niece and when I have my first prenatal appointment tomorrow, we will see what I think. :) The first visit already doesn’t bode well, being an initiation class wherein they spend an hour telling me not to smoke, do drugs, and drink while I’m pregnant. If it’s tolerable, I’ll do my O.B. visit next week. If it’s totally unbearable, I’ll start seeking out a midwife. :)