A Healer’s Geste

small house

While Hans was yet unborn we purchased our first house: a 1912-sqft (pronounced during our house-hunting as skwuft) split level with potentially 5 bedrooms. It was much too much house for our small family, and half of the house was perpetually cluttered, messy, and unused. We did have Barb and a friend of hers rent from us for awhile, and at that point the house seemed just right. But when we had just one infant again, we had room for lots of junk. Stuff collects. I don’t know how, I don’t even go to garage sales, but it does collect. Even paint jobs didn’t make the little-used rooms feel more appealing. Did I really “clean the house” if I neglected half of it? But why clean half that you don’t use?

With a move looming and nesting instincts in full force, I went through the two downstairs bedrooms that collected stuff. I got rid of clothes from high school or clothes I bought at thrift stores that didn’t fit quite right or look very good — if I didn’t like it, I got rid of it (it’s much easier when you know you only paid a dollar for it and not ten or twenty). I picked through the boys clothes Mom had left from the twins (actually, Hans has a sweater of Geoff’s he’s still wearing) and kept what was still in good shape (most of the elastic was past its prime) and not too offensive (they were born in the early nineties). I got rid of things we’d inherited from past apartments (in our first, the previous tenant left quite a few things and the landlady made us take it with us), I threw out unopened a box that hadn’t been opened since we’ve moved from our apartment (which proves I was in the throws of nesting). I even gave to Goodwill a few of the odd wedding (ok, and baby) presents that were still sitting in a box, maybe waiting until a wedding (or baby) where I could get over the tackiness of regifting tacky gifts. We ended up moving over six months after this initial purge, by which time I had gotten into most of the “packed away early” boxes. So, I had to repack them. I ended up getting rid of even more things then.

Since we would be renting a smaller house, I was on a mission of packing away all but what was necessary. We have quite a pile of boxes in the garage and I intentionally only labeled the boxes destined to the garage with “storage” — I can’t go rummaging through them for things. I’m sure when I do unpack them there’ll be more that a new eye will see and say, “Um, I don’t even like that.”

Now we’re in a 1220-sqft house with two toddlers (Jaeger is definitely toddling). It is just the perfect size. I have no spare space. Every space is being utilized. I do not have room for anything beyond what I need and use…none…not for another bookshelf, not for anything in any of the closets. All that I intended for inside the house have a specific place and they can’t go anywhere other than their designated space because there’s not room anywhere else. I absolutely love it. It enforces the discipline I wanted to have. I can’t just hide something away in a downstairs room; I can’t procrastinate in deciding if a thing stays or goes…or in putting a thing in the spot it belongs. It’s not far to put something in its place and there’s no other place to put it (except, of course, the kitchen island, whose state is always reflected of my own state of mind). It’s a beautiful thing. There is no place to shove junk. With a couch, our boxes, and now Matt’s motorcycle, there’s hardly even room to shove anything I may not want to deal with into the garage. I’ve gotta deal with it and take care of it. It doesn’t take long for small clutter to feel like huge clutter, because it is a small space, which helps me stay on top of it.

One thing I hadn’t realized before moving was the mental clutter that the unorganized, unused, unappealing downstairs gave me. In this house I walk firmly on the ground, not on a nagging “to-do.” Even the closets are not scary, much less the whole basement. I never realized really that the space was nagging me, but now not having it, I know that it was because it is gone. In five years or so it all would have had to be dealt with and those spaces would have been made usable and livable, but I’m glad to be gone from it for now.

Of course, this house cannot comfortably handle three kids or baby gear. This isn’t the absolute perfect-sized house, just perfect for where we’re at right now. And our next house will be larger than 1912 while we still only have three…it could very easily turn into the same situation: nagging, unfinished, unused, cluttered with junk space waiting for its time to come. It’s time will come, though, and planning for that (and putting it off limits for junk collecting) will help ease my mind. Still, this transition has taught me by really living it out that the answer is not always more and more space, but well-utilized and uncluttered space. It is much, much easier to clean and to manage a smaller, planned-out, high-traffic space than a large, cluttered, out-of-sight and out-of-mind space, for which I pay a mental toll.

This has factored into our house plans. At this point I’ve been mistress of four residences, been married five years, and had two babies. We’ve decided our plans are for homeschooling, and both Matt and I have experience with ways that works itself out in daily life. We don’t know exactly how many or what kind of children God will give us, which is a large factor to the equation, but I know how I cook and what I use and what I would like in living spaces — and while some planning for expansion (such as of kitchen gadgets) is good to plan for, it is also true that the stuff will accumulate to fill available space. So I don’t want a huge kitchen or a huge bedroom, which will only mean more clothes can fit on the floor before I have to pick them up. Our large spaces are mostly all public spaces — places that will be seen upon entering the front door — and I like that accountability. Of course, I doubt we’ll get too many spontaneous visits 20 minutes from town, but then again, my mother-in-law will be next door. And, Matt and I foster the hope of being able to convince another family to eventually come out, too…friend, relative, someone of like mind. That would be lovely. So far we have no takers.

Anyway, this has all been brewing since we moved in here. I like having a small space. I want all my space in the future to have an assigned task — even if it be “stay empty for five years!” I want to sift all new acquisitions threw the filter of “Where will it go? Do I have a place specifically for it?” It might be an impossible dream, but it’s mine right now. :)