Thirty-Nine Weeks

Monday  in the early morning  Mystie

Still To-Do:

* Wash baby clothes
* Wash birth towels & receiving blankets
* Do laundry (Matt will do this, there are about 4 loads)

– Our dryer has been out since the Thursday before Christmas. I’ve had two panicky nesting moments since then where not having everything washed and ready has stressed me out, but the dryer guy is going to come fix it today and we’re still ok –

* Pack an overnight bag for the boys
* Clean the upstairs bathroom so it’s presentable to the public (Matt will do this)
* Set up the crib (Matt will do this)

– The crib sides have become our drying racks, so the crib will go up after the dryer works again –

* Finish setting up and arranging the baby room (after the crib is set up)
* January grocery trip (I made the list, Matt will do this later in the week)

* Have a baby

————

It’s possible that it’s just wishful thinking, but I do think Ilse dropped a few days ago. Contractions have picked up and I generally have several throughout the day and then end the day with a couple hours’ worth. So I tell myself that she must have dropped, because otherwise these contractions wouldn’t be doing anything and that would be depressing. I had two weeks of frequent contractions with both boys, so we’re on track to have Ilse next week, I think.

This is the point of pregnancy that is worst for me and my type-A personality. I absolutely hate the feeling of “could-be-any-time-but-it-could-be-two-weeks-from-now.” It is during this point that my philosophies fly out the door and I wish I was going to a doctor who would say, “So, you know, there’s really no reason we can’t just set up an appointment for you to have this baby, say, Friday at 1.” I learned, though, with Hans, that I simply cannot live in the “any-time-now” mentality. I can’t function that way AND so far I’ve had plenty of warning beforehand. I’ve not yet gone from sitting, minding my own business, to holding a baby in my arms in a matter of hours. I’ve not had my water break unexpectedly. I’ve had contractions start out same as they do, but stay on and increase very slowly and then just hang out at the early labor point for days. So, I’m not having any contractions right now, therefore I am pretty sure I’m not having this baby today or tomorrow and probably not the next day either.

So all that laundry might actually get done before she arrives. She might have clean clothes and blankets.

I also remembered a few days ago why it is that I have felt so good *after* the boys were born. I was back to feeling like myself within 2 or 3 days of Hans’ birth and within 24 hours of Jaeger’s delivery. It’s because I feel so unlike myself for two weeks beforehand. I move at half-speed, I think at half-speed, I knock things off my desk with my stomach, I can’t do things at the sink or the counter without pressing my tummy into the counter. I can’t read anything because my brain doesn’t work and my eyes don’t want to track; even Wodehouse took so much effort yesterday that I wasn’t enjoying the humor. I did play a game with Matt and *almost* won; so maybe I’m not so terribly pathetic as I feel. I feel pathetic and gigantic and so that’s why I have had the opposite of postpartum depression. I am elated to be NOT pregnant after the birth; yes, it’s true. It would sound better if I said that holding my baby brings so much joy that depression isn’t an option, but I’ll be honest and admit it’s actually being not pregnant that brings me as much joy. And, I’ll continue my confessions, I have felt a similar feeling at weening. I’ve never been sad to ween; I have always felt relief at having my body completely back to myself — for a few months at least.

Anyway, right now I’m feeling miserable so that I can feel terrific later.

But Matt has taken over laundry and he does the dishes after dinner and I have plenty of freezer meals stocked away, so really I can simply wallow in my misery for a week or so without being obliged to do anything. I resolved last week after running errands one day with the boys that I would not take them out again until after the baby is born. My mental spaciness rubbed off on them and we wandered down Costco’s aisles, myself taking twice as long to process what I was seeing; Hans wandering far ahead and not paying attention to how slow I was moving (his legs are too long to be in the cart anymore); and Jaeger dragging behind, touching — lightly, at least — every single item at eye level in an absent-minded sort of way and not paying attention at all to how far ahead of him I was (I wasn’t going to lift his almost-40-pounds in and out of the cart).

So Matt will drive to work from now on, not because I anticipate the need of his having to rush home at any point but because I don’t want the temptation or option of leaving the house with the boys.

So, time to go get the boys out of bed and commence my light duties. It’s sunny again today, so at least I can sit and crochet and stare outside at a blue sky while refereeing army guy wars or train and traffic collisions at my feet.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 31st, 2007 at 9:18 am and is filed under Lady of the House, Mother. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.