Sound familiar?
I wrote this the day before Jaeger was born, on the third day of early labor:
These two considerations are now warring within me. My personality wishes to control as much as possible; my philosophy of childbirth wishes everything to happen naturally and in God’s own good time. For me, this is the true test, not the prospect of or actuality of pain. I am glad we planned a homebirth, otherwise I probably would have gone to the hospital last night and at least had my water broken…which, if that didn’t work, they’d necessarily have to start other interventions before long, and Jaeger would probably be breathing fresh air right now. Because breaking my water worked with Hans (I had a full day of early labor, stuck at 3cm, broke my water, went from 3-7cm in half an hour, but then still didn’t give birth for another 7 hours or so), it seems like the best option now…since I am once more stuck at three. But, my contractions aren’t as strong now as they were when she did it with Hans, and Jaeger is under no stress whatsoever and my blood pressure remains low. So, I wait. I have no excuse for a medical intervention, much as part of me actually does wish for one. As it is, I am exerting my mind to its greatest capacity to relax and be patient and claim the peace God does graciously bestow. Active labor could begin within the next hour, or it could begin tomorrow — or Saturday, or possibly Sunday…as long as contractions are continuing it’s likely it won’t be another week, but you never really know. So, I am forced to sit back and say, “Whatever, whenever, we’ll just see what happens.”
But this time my contractions aren’t continuing and Tonya just gave me the encouraging news that she walked around at 5cm with Natalie for a week.
Sigh
“Sighing” with you . . . and praying. She will be born and you won’t be pregnant forever with no baby :-)
I would never choose to be induced again if the choice was up to me! It was much more painful and felt wrong to have my body forced into what it wasn’t ready to do. (This coming from someone who was two weeks overdue at the time!) I know you are just fighting a mental battle right now but know that the way you are doing it will be much less painful in the end! Reassure yourself that God has PERFECT timing and the baby isn’t ready yet, for whatever reason. You don’t want her to be born before she is ready. Jeromy hates that they put a date on when the baby should arrive. It just stresses everyone out when that date comes and goes. The average baby is born a week late, so maybe my going so long will even out your time :D You can hope!
Andrea — thanks; I certainly feel like my current state has just become my perpetual state. :) If nothing continues to happen, we might try to come to play group tomorrow after my midwife appointment at 10:30.
Samantha — I’m only two days past my due date; it’s not the late aspect that is mentally difficult, it is having been in labor, getting to 5, thinking I’m almost done, and then spending two days with absolutely nothing happening.
And my house is clean and my freezer is full and my boys are napping and I don’t have the wherewithal for reading or crafting….and I just ate way too much chocolate and now I feel sick. :)
Do you want to borrow any movies or magazines? There probably isn’t much that would be distracting at this point, but at least they don’t require much mental effort or commitment.