Developmental “Disequilibrium”
I saw a link to this article yesterday, called “Developmental Stages: The Roller Coaster of Equilibrium and Disequilibrium”, and I’m curious what people think about it.
I think it’s the sort of thing I might have dismissed or scoffed 6 years ago, but now that I have 4 children passed that first birthday and a seven and a half year old, I have to say that my experience is actually fairly consistent with what they say. I have said before that while “terrible twos” is generally preventable with consistent discipline, “terrible twos” actually seems to hit at 18 months (requiring you to nip it in the bud before they are two) and at three-and-a-half. Ilse definitely went through a two-and-a-half rough patch, as well, that has smoothed out a month after her third birthday almost as if by magic.
I think, also, that there are two kinds of growth spurts, as I have come to think of them. There are physical growth spurts and there are maturity growth spurts. Things seems to get most interesting when both hit at the same time. Actually, reading this article made me realize that I was calling the smooth periods the maturity growth spurts, when those could very well be the fruit of the more difficult times, which are more properly growth spurts. Just as the physical growth spurt happens while the child is eating and sleeping more than usual, and it’s when it’s over that you notice he needs another size of everything, it’s after he’s pushed the bounds and asserted himself and experimented with behavior he hasn’t tried yet that then, when he’s done and learned what he needed to learn, you notice that he’s actually capable and affectionate and growing in more ways than you realized.
It might also be a missing key in the bad attitude tendencies I have been observing lately. There is certainly an element of experimentation and boundary-pushing in our latest bout with it.
What one must remember is that while this explains boundary-pushing, it doesn’t excuse boundary-pushing. That jump in maturity and capability will come faster and stronger if he finds the boundaries are maintained, and maintained with love and consistency.
Furthermore, I wonder if cycles like this persist throughout life. Certainly there are times that seem more difficult than others. Once we hit adulthood and especially childbearing years, though, we seem to always attribute it to hormones. Perhaps it’s an ongoing maturity cycle. It is indeed true, biblically, that growth and fruit is more strongly borne out in adversity and trial than in the easy times. Even on this small scale, for ourselves and for our children, that is a good reminder — or an essential paradigm shift.
I agree that the whole roller coaster “phenomenon” is real indeed. I always attributed it to my discipline roller coaster. When they were behaving I would relax my standards a little, but that would eventually produce bad behavior again. Round and round we go. The only other piece they were obviously, not being from a Christian perspective, missing is what happens once our children have a saving faith. The outworking of the Holy Spirit in the life of even a 7 year old has pretty amazing results. It doesn’t make for a perfect child, but one that has a conscience that is awoke to pleasing more than him/herself.
Maybe even more than behavioral roller coasters in the 5+ set is cyclical brain deadness. I’ll tell you, sometimes it is like the brain switch is completely turned off for a week or two which does produce some pretty rotten fruit at times in them and me. I am always glad when the switch is turned back “on.”
Thanks for the article. Interesting things to ponder :)
Yes, to the Holy Spirit’s fruit being evident in a child (even a 3-year-old child), though that doesn’t negate the developmental aspect. And going through such developmental rollercoasters even in an extreme way isn’t a sign that they aren’t regenerate.
Definitely yes also to the brain deadness. I attributed it to boyness, but I don’t yet have a girl in that age range. :) Sometimes it seems their hands are simply not connected to their brain.
What struck me about this article was the thought that perhaps even those brain dead times are not a rottenness in themselves, but a dormancy without which growth can’t come.
I know it has seemed that discipline or teaching finally “clicks,” and it’s a function of their development as much as of the discipline. It takes time and watering and time for the seed — the idea, the discipline — not only to sprout but to grow to the point of bearing fruit.
And isn’t that true for adults as much as children?